Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Minnesota Catholics Divided On Gay Marriage Ban
by Patrick Condon, Associated Press
(Bloomington, Minnesota) One recent Sunday, when many priests and pastors across Minnesota were urging their flocks to support a statewide constitutional ban on gay marriage, parishioners at St. Edward's Church were instead asked to pray for "those whose human dignity is under assault by hatred and prejudice."
After reading from the Gospel According to Mark, the story of Jesus healing the leper, the Rev. Jim Barry sermonized on the need to unconditionally accept all who are in some way shunned.
"There are so many in our society who are excluded because of who they are," Barry told the congregation at this large, suburban Catholic church. "Who are outside the camp because of sexual orientation, race, gender, a disability, age ... we must remember that all of us are lepers of a sort."
(Bloomington, Minnesota) One recent Sunday, when many priests and pastors across Minnesota were urging their flocks to support a statewide constitutional ban on gay marriage, parishioners at St. Edward's Church were instead asked to pray for "those whose human dignity is under assault by hatred and prejudice."
After reading from the Gospel According to Mark, the story of Jesus healing the leper, the Rev. Jim Barry sermonized on the need to unconditionally accept all who are in some way shunned.
"There are so many in our society who are excluded because of who they are," Barry told the congregation at this large, suburban Catholic church. "Who are outside the camp because of sexual orientation, race, gender, a disability, age ... we must remember that all of us are lepers of a sort."
See the rest of this article by clicking the post's title
Priests Challenge Vatican On Gays
From 365gay.com See more articles by clicking the post's title.
(Montreal, Quebec) Nineteen priests in Quebec have issued a stinging public rebuke of the Vatican position of gays and same-sex marriage.
In an open letter published in La Presse, the largest circulation newspaper in the province, they called on other Catholic clergy to join them in opposing the Vatican ban on gays in seminaries and same-sex marriage.
Under the headline "Enough is enough," the priests charge that by pronouncing homosexuality a "disorder," the church is fuelling homophobia.
The 980-word letter notes the church has been wrong before on "the mysteries of political, social, family and sexual life."
The letter also criticizes the Canadian bishops' conference which fought legislation legalizing same-sex marriage in Canada.
The bishops made a presentation before a Parliamentary committee studying the legislation and told MPs that allowing same-sex marriage weakened families and endangered children.
"Was there any trace of the compassion that marked Jesus's passage on Earth?" the letter asks. "Not a paragraph, not a sentence in your brief that takes into account the historical discrimination against homosexuals and the tragedy of their social and ecclesial exclusion."
Religious scholars in Quebec where most people consider themselves Catholic but where attendance at mass is lower than most other regions of Canada, called the letter and its tone surprising and suggested it could set a precedent.
The church has not responded to the letter
(Montreal, Quebec) Nineteen priests in Quebec have issued a stinging public rebuke of the Vatican position of gays and same-sex marriage.
In an open letter published in La Presse, the largest circulation newspaper in the province, they called on other Catholic clergy to join them in opposing the Vatican ban on gays in seminaries and same-sex marriage.
Under the headline "Enough is enough," the priests charge that by pronouncing homosexuality a "disorder," the church is fuelling homophobia.
The 980-word letter notes the church has been wrong before on "the mysteries of political, social, family and sexual life."
The letter also criticizes the Canadian bishops' conference which fought legislation legalizing same-sex marriage in Canada.
The bishops made a presentation before a Parliamentary committee studying the legislation and told MPs that allowing same-sex marriage weakened families and endangered children.
"Was there any trace of the compassion that marked Jesus's passage on Earth?" the letter asks. "Not a paragraph, not a sentence in your brief that takes into account the historical discrimination against homosexuals and the tragedy of their social and ecclesial exclusion."
Religious scholars in Quebec where most people consider themselves Catholic but where attendance at mass is lower than most other regions of Canada, called the letter and its tone surprising and suggested it could set a precedent.
The church has not responded to the letter
Gay Marriage in New York
Last week I wrote to the Gay City News, a prominent gay news source for New York, regarding the condition of legal protections for gay New Yorkers. Iy was published by the editor, Paul Schindler for this weeks edition. (You may click the title of this post to read their edited version of my letter.) Additionally, just after sending my letter a scadal broke regarding an inside memorandum at the Empire Stae Pride Agenda, the largest local gay equality group, regarding Hilary Clinton. Great timing, huh! (See the story, also at the link to my letter above.)
I was disappointed to find that the paper had edited a couple of remarks I made and so here print bothe letters. I will admit that the cohesiveness of some of their editing makes sense - but to leave out references to "working class" gays and the AG race were not worthy of a good editor's cut, in my opin ion. Judge for yourselves.
The edited version:
Volume 5, Number 8 | February 23 - March 1, 2006
Perspective/ Letters to the Editor
why is new york such a laggard?
February 17, 2006
Dear Editor,
First, may I compliment you on a fine publication with excellent, serious reporting.
My partner and I are recent arrivals from Los Angeles. Both he and I are shocked at the pitiful state of gay equality in the largest metropolitan area of the country. Reading your paper this morning, we see Mr. Bloomberg’s anti-gay win over domestic partnership equality in city contracts with the overturning of the Equal Benefits Law, this while your mayor claims to be pro-gay. (“Bloomberg Wins Vs. Gay Partners,” by Paul Schindler, Feb. 16-22). Albany is in your breaking news section having rejected “three gay marriage lawsuits.” I understand Mr. Bloomberg is also fighting against gay marriage in the courts. Please forgive me for asking how he thinks he is helping?
I held the understanding that New York is a blue state and a stronghold of Democratic and not Republican ideals, yet Senator Clinton refuses to support gay marriage and apparently supports some wishy-washy civil unions alternative.
I’m dismayed at having arrived to live here. The basic equality which I held very dear in California, and depended upon to protect my partner and me and our interests, isn’t even on the table here as a possibility. Why?
Is the gay populace here so secure in their social position that they believe they are untouchable? Where is their will, their outrage, their demand to obtain the basic rights of equality which their heterosexual peers enjoy? I am reminded of two literary references. The obvious, the taunt from Roy Cohn in “Angels in America”—pardon my paraphrasing—”… that in two decades of fighting, the faggots can’t even get a simple equality bill past City Council...” and, secondly, and far more frightening, I feel that I’ve suddenly arrived in the “castellated abbey” of Prince Prospero and that gays in NYC are perpetually and happily living at an enchanting costumed masque while completely and utterly ignoring the very real and very deadly specter at the gate.
Donald W. Larson
New York City
The original version:
17 February 2006
Dear Editor,
First, may I compliment you on a fine publication with excellent, serious reporting.
My partner and I are recent arrivals from Los Angeles. While I've visited New York many times, with great pleasure, my partner also lived here and attended NYU Med. School in the 1970s. Nevertheless, that was 25 or so years ago and both he and I are shocked at the pitiful state of gay equality in the largest metropolitan area of the country.
Reading your paper this morning we see Mr. Bloomberg's anti-gay win over domestic partnership equality in city contracts as well as the overturn of the EBL - this while your mayor claims to be pro-gay (and is rumored to be gay himself).
Albany is in your breaking news section having rejected "three gay marriage lawsuits". I understand Mr. Bloomberg is also fighting against gay marriage in the courts while yet again claiming to be supportive of our communities equal rights. Please forgive me for asking how he thinks he is helping?
I held the understanding that New York is a 'Blue State' and is a stronghold of Democratic and not Republican ideals; yet Senator Clinton refuses to support gay marriage and apparently supports some wishy-washy civil unions alternative. And we all remember Mr. Clinton's passing of the DOMA legislation, while, as you've reported, his words at Mrs. Kings funeral certainly held no sting for Republican values.
I'm dismayed at having arrived to live here. The basic equality which I held very dear in California, and depended upon to protect my partner and me and our interests, isn't even on the table here as a possibility. Why?
In a recent correspondence with Sean Patrick Maloney's camp for the Attorney General race I was assured that the "working class" would be well looked after by the new AG. Working class was referenced several times - as if this distinction were the core value of the argument. As I had only referenced the cost of setting up private legal protections as prohibitive the conclusion was, to me, tell-tale of the malaise here in New York.
Is the gay populace here so secure in their social position that they believe they are untouchable? Where is their will, their outrage, their demand to obtain the basic rights of equality which their heterosexual peers enjoy? It is not simply a question of whether you wish to marry or not, it is an issue of equal protection, responsibility and benefit under the law. How can you claim interest in our community and oppose any of the recently defeated legislation?
I am reminded of two literary references. The obvious, the taunt from Roy Cohen in Angels in America, pardon my paraphrasing: "...that in two decades of fighting the faggots can't even get a simple equality bill past city council..." and secondly, and far more frightening, I feel that I've suddenly arrived in the "castellated abbey" of Prince Prospero and that gays in NYC are perpetually and happily living at a enchanting costumed masque while completely and utterly ignoring the very real and very deadly specter at the gate.
Sincerely,
D. Larson
Donald W. Larson
New York, New York
dwflarson@mac.com
I was disappointed to find that the paper had edited a couple of remarks I made and so here print bothe letters. I will admit that the cohesiveness of some of their editing makes sense - but to leave out references to "working class" gays and the AG race were not worthy of a good editor's cut, in my opin ion. Judge for yourselves.
The edited version:
Volume 5, Number 8 | February 23 - March 1, 2006
Perspective/ Letters to the Editor
why is new york such a laggard?
February 17, 2006
Dear Editor,
First, may I compliment you on a fine publication with excellent, serious reporting.
My partner and I are recent arrivals from Los Angeles. Both he and I are shocked at the pitiful state of gay equality in the largest metropolitan area of the country. Reading your paper this morning, we see Mr. Bloomberg’s anti-gay win over domestic partnership equality in city contracts with the overturning of the Equal Benefits Law, this while your mayor claims to be pro-gay. (“Bloomberg Wins Vs. Gay Partners,” by Paul Schindler, Feb. 16-22). Albany is in your breaking news section having rejected “three gay marriage lawsuits.” I understand Mr. Bloomberg is also fighting against gay marriage in the courts. Please forgive me for asking how he thinks he is helping?
I held the understanding that New York is a blue state and a stronghold of Democratic and not Republican ideals, yet Senator Clinton refuses to support gay marriage and apparently supports some wishy-washy civil unions alternative.
I’m dismayed at having arrived to live here. The basic equality which I held very dear in California, and depended upon to protect my partner and me and our interests, isn’t even on the table here as a possibility. Why?
Is the gay populace here so secure in their social position that they believe they are untouchable? Where is their will, their outrage, their demand to obtain the basic rights of equality which their heterosexual peers enjoy? I am reminded of two literary references. The obvious, the taunt from Roy Cohn in “Angels in America”—pardon my paraphrasing—”… that in two decades of fighting, the faggots can’t even get a simple equality bill past City Council...” and, secondly, and far more frightening, I feel that I’ve suddenly arrived in the “castellated abbey” of Prince Prospero and that gays in NYC are perpetually and happily living at an enchanting costumed masque while completely and utterly ignoring the very real and very deadly specter at the gate.
Donald W. Larson
New York City
The original version:
17 February 2006
Dear Editor,
First, may I compliment you on a fine publication with excellent, serious reporting.
My partner and I are recent arrivals from Los Angeles. While I've visited New York many times, with great pleasure, my partner also lived here and attended NYU Med. School in the 1970s. Nevertheless, that was 25 or so years ago and both he and I are shocked at the pitiful state of gay equality in the largest metropolitan area of the country.
Reading your paper this morning we see Mr. Bloomberg's anti-gay win over domestic partnership equality in city contracts as well as the overturn of the EBL - this while your mayor claims to be pro-gay (and is rumored to be gay himself).
Albany is in your breaking news section having rejected "three gay marriage lawsuits". I understand Mr. Bloomberg is also fighting against gay marriage in the courts while yet again claiming to be supportive of our communities equal rights. Please forgive me for asking how he thinks he is helping?
I held the understanding that New York is a 'Blue State' and is a stronghold of Democratic and not Republican ideals; yet Senator Clinton refuses to support gay marriage and apparently supports some wishy-washy civil unions alternative. And we all remember Mr. Clinton's passing of the DOMA legislation, while, as you've reported, his words at Mrs. Kings funeral certainly held no sting for Republican values.
I'm dismayed at having arrived to live here. The basic equality which I held very dear in California, and depended upon to protect my partner and me and our interests, isn't even on the table here as a possibility. Why?
In a recent correspondence with Sean Patrick Maloney's camp for the Attorney General race I was assured that the "working class" would be well looked after by the new AG. Working class was referenced several times - as if this distinction were the core value of the argument. As I had only referenced the cost of setting up private legal protections as prohibitive the conclusion was, to me, tell-tale of the malaise here in New York.
Is the gay populace here so secure in their social position that they believe they are untouchable? Where is their will, their outrage, their demand to obtain the basic rights of equality which their heterosexual peers enjoy? It is not simply a question of whether you wish to marry or not, it is an issue of equal protection, responsibility and benefit under the law. How can you claim interest in our community and oppose any of the recently defeated legislation?
I am reminded of two literary references. The obvious, the taunt from Roy Cohen in Angels in America, pardon my paraphrasing: "...that in two decades of fighting the faggots can't even get a simple equality bill past city council..." and secondly, and far more frightening, I feel that I've suddenly arrived in the "castellated abbey" of Prince Prospero and that gays in NYC are perpetually and happily living at a enchanting costumed masque while completely and utterly ignoring the very real and very deadly specter at the gate.
Sincerely,
D. Larson
Donald W. Larson
New York, New York
dwflarson@mac.com
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Zephyrus and Hyacinthus
Zephyrus and HyacinthusAthenian Kylix, Douris. 490-485 BCE, Boston Museum of Fine Arts
You're Beautiful
I saw John Blunt's music video recently on Logo and purchased the song from iTunes. It's plaintive piece with unusual poignancy and depth for a pop song. I don't see it as a song about the loss of human love but the love of God. If what the Church teaches regarding homosexuality proves true than have I not lost my God, dear Jesus, the greatest love of my life. I see Him only for a moment here and there in this time and space of pain but his beauty is the alpha and omega of the heart and to wonder, worry that you will never see Him again because of whom you are born as is the most excruciating pain I've ever felt. This loss, this loss is the loss of all. As he undresses in the snow he neatly arranges his few and cherished possesions before him as he sits, legs crossed in meditative form, and tells us of his plan for he knows that he shall never see Her face again and he will never be with her... ah, I know that feeling all too well. I don't think I'll see Her again, he sings, "I saw Her face in a crowded place and I don't know what to do, for I'll never see Her again." Is it the truth? Will I never be with You? The depth of the icy ocean as he leaps seems a warm and desirable journey on which to now depart. I've been asked if I have a plan, a plan? Do I now have the plan? I don't know what to do...
I don't know what to do...
I don't know what to do...
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Athenais Sophie
While it is not confirmed Mark and I hope to adopt the one female from Ginnie's litter. You may identify her below with the pink, which looks white, ribbon in the photos below. As she is a pedigree Chartreux, a marvelous French breed with luxurious rich soft fur of a bleu-gris shade, and as I am a great lover of France and her decorative and fine arts and her history, I've decided to bestow her with the name of one of Louis XV mistresses, an accomplished and lovely woman by all accounts. She was lady in waiting to another mistress and was supposed to be the diversion, allowing the king to vist the apartments under a ruse. But her own charms soon won the day. Her name was Athenais. Our darling will have an official name of Athenais Sophie, Comtesse d'Artois, and we shall call her Sophie, and no doubt a multiple of charming nick-names!
Athenais' heritage is fifty percent European and fifty percent American, so we hope her appearance will favor the mother's European descent. She will be adored and loved, nevertheless, whichever direction her genes may take her!
The Real Child Moslester Is...
My brother recently asked for statistics which support that gay men are not in general child moslesters. It is an insulting question, no doubt raised in his mind by the Roman Church's deliberately attempting to confuse the pedophile with the homosexual. They are NOT the SAME at all! While I am still looking for more current data, the following is as recent as I have yet come across. It is incredibly important to squash the Christian right's, ( of which the Catholic Church must now be considered the primary instigator of hypocrisy ) deliberate misrepresentation of statistics simply to confirm their own bigotry.
Molester Characteristics:
One of the myths regarding child molesters is that they “look different” or behave differently from others in some way. Here are some statistics describing child molesters:
97% are male
91% are heterosexual
91% consider themselves to be religious
75% are married or formerly married
73% are Caucasian
65% earn a middle income or above
48% are college educated
The molester is not a stranger. Over 91% of children are molested by someone they know.
Stepfathers are 7 times more likely to abuse than biological fathers; however, abuse by a biological parent tends to be more severe. (A child who is abused by a biological parent is at higher risk of sustaining an injury from the abuse than those abused by a non-biological parent.)
Contrary to popular belief, only about 30-35% of molesters were sexually abused as children. (Hanson & Slater, 1988)
Source: This information was adapted from The Medlin Training Institute website, sexualdeviancy.com.
Molester Characteristics:
One of the myths regarding child molesters is that they “look different” or behave differently from others in some way. Here are some statistics describing child molesters:
97% are male
91% are heterosexual
91% consider themselves to be religious
75% are married or formerly married
73% are Caucasian
65% earn a middle income or above
48% are college educated
The molester is not a stranger. Over 91% of children are molested by someone they know.
Stepfathers are 7 times more likely to abuse than biological fathers; however, abuse by a biological parent tends to be more severe. (A child who is abused by a biological parent is at higher risk of sustaining an injury from the abuse than those abused by a non-biological parent.)
Contrary to popular belief, only about 30-35% of molesters were sexually abused as children. (Hanson & Slater, 1988)
Source: This information was adapted from The Medlin Training Institute website, sexualdeviancy.com.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Le Roi Soleil
Je fais de toi mon essentiel...Buy the music video - exquisite filming, exquisite lighting, exquiste sets - essential man.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Grocery Lists for Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist, 1963, Brokeback Mountain
WEEK ONEBeans
Bacon
Coffee
Whiskey
WEEK TWO
Black Beans
Ham & Eggs
Fresh Roast Coffee
Jack Daniels Black Label
WEEK THREE
White Cannellini Beans
Thin-sliced Apple Smoked Bacon
Hazelnut Coffee
Sky Vodka & Tanqueray Gin
1 Tube K-Y Gel
WEEK FOUR
Fresh Fava Beans al Fresca
Italian Pancetta Lightly Grilled
Colombian French Roast Coffee (Espresso Grind)
5-6 Bottles Best California Iron Horse Sonoma County Chardonnay, 1958
2 Large Tubes K-Y gel
WEEK FIVE
Haricourts Verte en Salade Nicoise
Jasmine Long Grain Brown Rice
Prosciutto de Parma, 8oz. & Thickly Sliced Medalions de Veau
Porchini Mushrooms Sauteed with Shallots
1/2 pint of Heavy Whipping Cream
Organic Fresh Mixed Berries
1 Cub Scout Uniform, 42 Long
1 Full CHP Uniform with tight Black Leather Gloves, Handcuffs & Batton
One Half Case Chateau Rothschild, Grand Cru, Saint-Estephe Bordeaux, 1952 (Boutille au Chateau)
1 Case Remy XO Fine Cognac
6 Ounces Fine Hawaian Cut & Blended Cannabis
1Extra Large Bottle of Astro Glide
WEEK SIX
Petite Yukon Gold Potatoes
Heavy Whipping Cream, 46% Milk Fats
Fresh White Asparagus (Very Tender)
Organic Free Range Brown Eggs
Spanish Sweet Lemons
Swiss Gruyere Cheese (Well Aged)
Toasted Chopped Black Walnuts
Baby Arugula & Red Leaf Mix
Clarified Amish Butter
2 Center Cut Fillet Mignon, 8oz., 4", Wrapped in Caul Fat & Tied
Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Tuscany (to Drizzle)
Pure Modena Balsamic Vinegar (Aged 75 years)
Flourless Vahlrone Chocolate Torte
6 yards White Silk Organdy
6 yards Pale Ivory Silk Taffeta
3 Cases of Dom Perignon, Masters Reserve, Vintage 1954
4 Ounces Pure Columbian Uncut Cocaine w/Silver Scoop
60 Count Seconal
Fine Assorted Dildos & Thin Rubber Gloves
16 mm Movie Camera with Tripod, Projector & Screen
2 Large Tins Crisco
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Friday, February 10, 2006
Frank Orraj
The Orraj family have been friends of mine since I was a child. We have attended school and church together. Danny went to St. John's Seminary with me and is now married to my sister, Peggy. Curt was the hottest guy in Yuma for ages - and I think he knew it, at least a little! Curt worked with me when I helped manage a pizza parlor and has the best sense of humor of anyone - he always makes me laugh. Diane taught me my entire repetoire of 'bus driver' jokes and I thought she was the graetest girl I'd ever met... and Liz and Frank were the cool parents that I thought I didn't have. They are a wonderful group of people whom you can always depend upon to be there for you. So many good memories of childhood are wrapped up with this dear family. As we've all grown and gone in different directions we've lost touch and no longer know about each others daily lives but they have never been far from my thoughts or my heart.
This week Frank passed away. He was a large man with a large laugh and he used to scare me a bit - he would always speak with me as if I were a bit of an enigma, but always with courtesy, kindness and a jovial smile hidden in his deep baratone voice. His sons all did their best to emulate him and his daughter always had him wrapped about her finger. Liz, his wife, is a petite and gracious woman with a tiny warble in her voice that is exotic and charming and makes her whom she is somehow. She was his rock, I believe, this fragile seeming lady who held the clan together. I know they are feeling his loss deeply and I wish I could ease their pain.
Dear, Frank, I hope that as you are welcomed into your Father's House that you will know the great house of His which you built for all of us in this world. Simply by being a man of your word, of honor in business and of love with your family. It was a fine thing to have been included in your life, even a little; thank you!
This week Frank passed away. He was a large man with a large laugh and he used to scare me a bit - he would always speak with me as if I were a bit of an enigma, but always with courtesy, kindness and a jovial smile hidden in his deep baratone voice. His sons all did their best to emulate him and his daughter always had him wrapped about her finger. Liz, his wife, is a petite and gracious woman with a tiny warble in her voice that is exotic and charming and makes her whom she is somehow. She was his rock, I believe, this fragile seeming lady who held the clan together. I know they are feeling his loss deeply and I wish I could ease their pain.
Dear, Frank, I hope that as you are welcomed into your Father's House that you will know the great house of His which you built for all of us in this world. Simply by being a man of your word, of honor in business and of love with your family. It was a fine thing to have been included in your life, even a little; thank you!
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Francois-Toussaint Foliot
Francois-Toussaint FoliotA pair of these magnificent signed 'bergeres' is available from the fine collector's shop of Steible in New York City. Just click on the title to visit their website and view these and many other magnificent art works. The pair of Italian hand carved beechwood chairs twentieth century, which Mark and I own (our first furniture purchase together are based upon this style of bergere. Formerly in red damask they have bee re-upholstered in sage green silk velvet.
Friday, February 03, 2006
What Conscience?
“Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.”
William Shakespeare
Hamlet, Act III, Scene I
Family Justice?
Tonight on Queer as Folk Melanie moved home (by invitation) to live with her parents - only to find they thought her homosexuality had changed.
After leaving them, once again, she said to her EX "No matter what your mind says up here," tapping the side of her blond head, "what's down here ," patting her chest over her heart, "always hopes that your parents just might love you unconditionally."
Why does that keep happening? Do I have to cut myself off completely, like I have now done, with nearly all my family in order to not be injured over and over again? Or do you suppose I'm supposed to just ignore the injury, ignore the resentment that I am gay and keep turning my 'other cheek'?
This is what I keep beating myself up about all the time. Should I be? Should I ignore all the homophobia - like their thinking we're pedophiles OR no photograph of me with Mark and Joy amongst the dozens displayed of your brothers' and sister's families OR the adherence to following a Church's teachings which are obviously in violation of the most fundamental principles it teaches OR by voting for anti-gay laws which allow society to deny my family - Mark and Joy and me - the same, equal (not more, not less) than heterosexuals' families ?
I know I have some pretty difficult personality traits and that this contributes to a lack of closeness - but then so do they; I'm hardly the only 'difficult personality'. Don't they ever miss me? Don't they ever think they should reach out and finally prove it doesn't matter? Is that too much? Is it so much easier to call me a bigot and get off the hook that way? To say it takes too much time from my family to write a letter to protect your rights. To say the Church says it's 'evil' so you must be 'intrinsically disordered'. Is it that no one has to actually look at their own prejudices against me?
A gay boy was kicked to death in England at Christmas, three other queer folk are in hospital here after been shot and/or axed by a Neo-Nazi at a club; and the list I could make is a mile long. More if you count the AIDS Quilt.
Am I bound to forgive these faults and obliged to maintain these relationships? When I miss them, (and I do miss them in my life) what do I do? Every time I forgive or apologize for a mistake I made I am sucked back in and no one, not one family member has ever apologized to me for doing nothing to defend my right to be me, for not believing in me or for refusing to vote to support my family - much less sit down and tell me why they are so very prejudiced.
Must I just "move on" as Melanie asks herself?
After leaving them, once again, she said to her EX "No matter what your mind says up here," tapping the side of her blond head, "what's down here ," patting her chest over her heart, "always hopes that your parents just might love you unconditionally."
Why does that keep happening? Do I have to cut myself off completely, like I have now done, with nearly all my family in order to not be injured over and over again? Or do you suppose I'm supposed to just ignore the injury, ignore the resentment that I am gay and keep turning my 'other cheek'?
This is what I keep beating myself up about all the time. Should I be? Should I ignore all the homophobia - like their thinking we're pedophiles OR no photograph of me with Mark and Joy amongst the dozens displayed of your brothers' and sister's families OR the adherence to following a Church's teachings which are obviously in violation of the most fundamental principles it teaches OR by voting for anti-gay laws which allow society to deny my family - Mark and Joy and me - the same, equal (not more, not less) than heterosexuals' families ?
I know I have some pretty difficult personality traits and that this contributes to a lack of closeness - but then so do they; I'm hardly the only 'difficult personality'. Don't they ever miss me? Don't they ever think they should reach out and finally prove it doesn't matter? Is that too much? Is it so much easier to call me a bigot and get off the hook that way? To say it takes too much time from my family to write a letter to protect your rights. To say the Church says it's 'evil' so you must be 'intrinsically disordered'. Is it that no one has to actually look at their own prejudices against me?
A gay boy was kicked to death in England at Christmas, three other queer folk are in hospital here after been shot and/or axed by a Neo-Nazi at a club; and the list I could make is a mile long. More if you count the AIDS Quilt.
Am I bound to forgive these faults and obliged to maintain these relationships? When I miss them, (and I do miss them in my life) what do I do? Every time I forgive or apologize for a mistake I made I am sucked back in and no one, not one family member has ever apologized to me for doing nothing to defend my right to be me, for not believing in me or for refusing to vote to support my family - much less sit down and tell me why they are so very prejudiced.
Must I just "move on" as Melanie asks herself?
Paris in the Springtime, too.
I learn very slowly sometimes. And yet sometimes I realize I had learnt the lesson and practiced it but did not realize that I had done so until, well, now. It is a good feeling to know that at something in life your head and heart were on the same page and you followed them.
I'm watching a film called 'Dodsworth' on TCM. I do believe it jogged my memory about several trips to Paris with Mark and my dearest daughter, Joy. While in Paris, in fact France (for it was true in Nice and Provence as well) Mark and I never ventured out to the gay nightlife. I never wanted to, and well, I think and hope he felt the same.
I often thought it was simply that with my great love affair with France that I simply never found the time for there was too much else that was so important; the museums and the architecture, the restaurants and shops, the great monuments and the humble baguettes with ham and perfect coffee.
Well it does have to do with a love affair, and a triangle I suppose at that; but it is between a city and me and my dearest Mark. Paris, and France, are our place alone together. We both fell in love with the very air we breathed. All that these palces hold belong to just the two of us and no one else. The dark smoky air of the madeleine with candles falming, the Testoni shoe shop where Mark bought his loafers, the little cafes we huddled in against the winter cold and drank chocolate. The lavender in Provence and the hillside towns we climbed, the butcher where Mark smiled and laughed as he ordered his 'poulet', they are all, each of them, the two of us alone.
So many great cities we've visited or lived within and we enjoyed the clubs and nightlife - sometimes too much - and somehow, in France, our hearts led our heads and we knew that it must always be for just us.
Now, as I see so much that I failed and so much I regret that has caused others pain I know that at least this one magic place is still just ours. So good to know that.
I wonder if Mr. and Mrs. Dodsworth will remember some such place by the end of their story. We shall see.
I'm watching a film called 'Dodsworth' on TCM. I do believe it jogged my memory about several trips to Paris with Mark and my dearest daughter, Joy. While in Paris, in fact France (for it was true in Nice and Provence as well) Mark and I never ventured out to the gay nightlife. I never wanted to, and well, I think and hope he felt the same.
I often thought it was simply that with my great love affair with France that I simply never found the time for there was too much else that was so important; the museums and the architecture, the restaurants and shops, the great monuments and the humble baguettes with ham and perfect coffee.
Well it does have to do with a love affair, and a triangle I suppose at that; but it is between a city and me and my dearest Mark. Paris, and France, are our place alone together. We both fell in love with the very air we breathed. All that these palces hold belong to just the two of us and no one else. The dark smoky air of the madeleine with candles falming, the Testoni shoe shop where Mark bought his loafers, the little cafes we huddled in against the winter cold and drank chocolate. The lavender in Provence and the hillside towns we climbed, the butcher where Mark smiled and laughed as he ordered his 'poulet', they are all, each of them, the two of us alone.
So many great cities we've visited or lived within and we enjoyed the clubs and nightlife - sometimes too much - and somehow, in France, our hearts led our heads and we knew that it must always be for just us.
Now, as I see so much that I failed and so much I regret that has caused others pain I know that at least this one magic place is still just ours. So good to know that.
I wonder if Mr. and Mrs. Dodsworth will remember some such place by the end of their story. We shall see.
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