Tonight on Queer as Folk Melanie moved home (by invitation) to live with her parents - only to find they thought her homosexuality had changed.
After leaving them, once again, she said to her EX "No matter what your mind says up here," tapping the side of her blond head, "what's down here ," patting her chest over her heart, "always hopes that your parents just might love you unconditionally."
Why does that keep happening? Do I have to cut myself off completely, like I have now done, with nearly all my family in order to not be injured over and over again? Or do you suppose I'm supposed to just ignore the injury, ignore the resentment that I am gay and keep turning my 'other cheek'?
This is what I keep beating myself up about all the time. Should I be? Should I ignore all the homophobia - like their thinking we're pedophiles OR no photograph of me with Mark and Joy amongst the dozens displayed of your brothers' and sister's families OR the adherence to following a Church's teachings which are obviously in violation of the most fundamental principles it teaches OR by voting for anti-gay laws which allow society to deny my family - Mark and Joy and me - the same, equal (not more, not less) than heterosexuals' families ?
I know I have some pretty difficult personality traits and that this contributes to a lack of closeness - but then so do they; I'm hardly the only 'difficult personality'. Don't they ever miss me? Don't they ever think they should reach out and finally prove it doesn't matter? Is that too much? Is it so much easier to call me a bigot and get off the hook that way? To say it takes too much time from my family to write a letter to protect your rights. To say the Church says it's 'evil' so you must be 'intrinsically disordered'. Is it that no one has to actually look at their own prejudices against me?
A gay boy was kicked to death in England at Christmas, three other queer folk are in hospital here after been shot and/or axed by a Neo-Nazi at a club; and the list I could make is a mile long. More if you count the AIDS Quilt.
Am I bound to forgive these faults and obliged to maintain these relationships? When I miss them, (and I do miss them in my life) what do I do? Every time I forgive or apologize for a mistake I made I am sucked back in and no one, not one family member has ever apologized to me for doing nothing to defend my right to be me, for not believing in me or for refusing to vote to support my family - much less sit down and tell me why they are so very prejudiced.
Must I just "move on" as Melanie asks herself?
After leaving them, once again, she said to her EX "No matter what your mind says up here," tapping the side of her blond head, "what's down here ," patting her chest over her heart, "always hopes that your parents just might love you unconditionally."
Why does that keep happening? Do I have to cut myself off completely, like I have now done, with nearly all my family in order to not be injured over and over again? Or do you suppose I'm supposed to just ignore the injury, ignore the resentment that I am gay and keep turning my 'other cheek'?
This is what I keep beating myself up about all the time. Should I be? Should I ignore all the homophobia - like their thinking we're pedophiles OR no photograph of me with Mark and Joy amongst the dozens displayed of your brothers' and sister's families OR the adherence to following a Church's teachings which are obviously in violation of the most fundamental principles it teaches OR by voting for anti-gay laws which allow society to deny my family - Mark and Joy and me - the same, equal (not more, not less) than heterosexuals' families ?
I know I have some pretty difficult personality traits and that this contributes to a lack of closeness - but then so do they; I'm hardly the only 'difficult personality'. Don't they ever miss me? Don't they ever think they should reach out and finally prove it doesn't matter? Is that too much? Is it so much easier to call me a bigot and get off the hook that way? To say it takes too much time from my family to write a letter to protect your rights. To say the Church says it's 'evil' so you must be 'intrinsically disordered'. Is it that no one has to actually look at their own prejudices against me?
A gay boy was kicked to death in England at Christmas, three other queer folk are in hospital here after been shot and/or axed by a Neo-Nazi at a club; and the list I could make is a mile long. More if you count the AIDS Quilt.
Am I bound to forgive these faults and obliged to maintain these relationships? When I miss them, (and I do miss them in my life) what do I do? Every time I forgive or apologize for a mistake I made I am sucked back in and no one, not one family member has ever apologized to me for doing nothing to defend my right to be me, for not believing in me or for refusing to vote to support my family - much less sit down and tell me why they are so very prejudiced.
Must I just "move on" as Melanie asks herself?
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